Monday, June 3, 2013

Rough Week

   This week was a rough one for me..more so than I have had for a very long time. Sophie has started coming into her own..she is forming her own opinions, and making little choices. It is wonderful to see her becoming her own person! Wonderful and frustrating for me at times. Not because of anything she does, but because of myself in my own head. She used to eat she only wants to eat yogurt, fruit, and very few other foods. Everyday last week I would make her a different lunch to see if there was something else she would eat. She would maybe eat 3 bites and be done. Then she would whine because she was hungry. I was getting so frustrated..why doesn't she want to eat? What am I doing wrong? How can I make it better?
~Solution..She is her own person, she can choose what food she does and does not like. We have those opinions, why wouldn't she? I wouldn't make dinners Clint hated, the same should go for my sweet, beautiful daughter.

   Next breakdown of the week..10 years ago my estranged best friend took his life..he was 15. Not a single week has gone by in the past 10 years that I haven't thought of him, and silently mourned for him. There has never been any closure for me, for many reasons. I guess with all the emotions, and inadequacy I had been feeling all week, it made my lack of closure more prevalent. I have never been able to take him flowers, or do anything to remember him in anyway. I hope he knows I think about him, that he meant something to those he left behind.
~Solution..I have decided to have "Bryce" flowers in my home on either his birthday or the day he passed away. (Still haven't decided which.)

   Last breakdown of the week..we were at a family party on Sunday, and Sophie got hurt. She didn't want me to comfort her or hold her. She just wanted her daddy. Quite honestly I felt ticked. I take care of her everyday. I feed her, I change her diaper, I teach her things, I take her to do fun things, I am there for every good mood or crappy mood she goes through. So why the heck when she wants comfort she goes to her dad!
~Solution..She doesn't get to see her dad as much as she sees me. She LOVES her daddy, and she should..he is incredible. It wasn't a personal attack, she just wanted the big strong arms and kisses of her daddy.

   What a dumb week. I was so emotional over so many things I couldn't control. But that happens, and I feel like its pretty normal. I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful husband who listens to me, gives me compassion, and talks sense into me when I need it. I felt so much lighter this morning. I am grateful to have such a beautiful life.